Good Conversations Gone Bad

Here are some of the conversations I had with my dad this weekend. I am posting them separately because they are a little long.


#1
Conversation about my brother and girlfriend (turned conversation about mom and Bob):

n: He's nice to me even when she's not watching. He's just a good guy.
d: Yeah, he knows how to treat ladies special. I hope he learned that from me.
n: I think he did, dad.
d: There's only one woman I've ever wanted to up and hit, and that was your mom. But I couldn't, so I left.
n: ...
d: The more your mom writes to me about Bob, the more I think she found a clone of her father and married him.
n: Mom writes to you about Bob?
d: When I meet him, I'm gonna hit him.
n: Why?
d: He stole my life! I was happy...
n: You were not happy.
d: Excuse me?! I was happy! And he stole my life.
n: You were not. And if anything, she gave it to him. He didn't steal anything.
d: It takes two to commit adultery, and I can't hit your mom, so when I meet Bob, I'm gonna hit him.
n: When are you going to meet Bob?
d: There will be weddings coming up.